I hate all girls vehemently.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
