The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Is it because I queefed?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
