(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
