i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
