i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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