Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
he thought i was a dude.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
