He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Are my feet made of real feet?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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