i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
