We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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