you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
