Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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