Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
