im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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