Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
