She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
