Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
