genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
