I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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