He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
