Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
We had to coat check the pizza.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
