if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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