at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
My bed is full of blood and feathers
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
