Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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