Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
