If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
