the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
