You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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