When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
