As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
We are two peas in an std pod
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
