I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
