I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
