it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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