I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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