yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
