she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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