wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
