Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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