Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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