There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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