try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
PANTIES FOUND
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