mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i jhust puked up my retainher.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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