He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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