i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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