Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
