My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
