is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
