We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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