i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
