singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
