It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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