That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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