I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
