Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
